I began 2018 in a new environment. New town. New school. New “demographic”. I wondered if this was really where God meant to send me? To an environment where I felt out of place? …to a very “one of these things is not like the other” scenario? Although, I felt like I shouldn’t be here, I KNEW that God brought me here (you did read part 2…right?), so there must be purpose, it must mean that I DO belong here! So, here I am thinking that I was going to prove them wrong…no, I was going to prove to myself that I belonged here. I may have less experience, I may have less exposure, I may look different, I may be younger (than most), but I AM gonna prove them wrong! AND I refuse to ever look or sound weak in the process. I am gonna slay everyday honeyyy. I am gonna smile everyday. I am gonna be strong. No weakness allowed.
Notice all the i‘s?
yeahhhhh….it didn’t really go that way. Ya’ll, it started off quite rough, if i’m honest. I thought I was in control, but I absolutely was not. I had a hard time adapting my study habits, a hard time focusing, a hard time grasping that volume of information. I wasn’t used to grad school, I guess. See, I spent my undergrad years keeping myself busy with organizations, jobs, church and classes, (for reasons I’ll address in another series). So, I never learned how to only do school. I’ve always (at least since middle school) had organizations, sports, dance or something else to keep me busy. So, now, I was facing the question of ‘how do I manage my time when it’s not being pulled in 5 thousand directions?’ How do I restore a sense of “having a life” when my life is now this “class, eat, study, sleep, repeat” routine? and with no more significant other to dedicate a portion of my time too? What is this place I’m in?
Do I sound lost yet?
Friends, THIS is how my stormy season began. Everyday was a fight that I wasn’t willing to acknowledge out loud. So I continued to walk in this “she’s got it all under control” facade that has become my comfort zone over the years. SHE DID NOT HAVE IT ALL UNDER CONTROL. So now, she is not enrolled in classes……. stay tuned for part 4
Now, if you’ve been paying attention. Then, you know that I cannot leave you without a scripture or “word of wisdom”:
Lesson 2: Allowing yourself to be vulnerable, allows you to have a breakthrough! My dear family, I urge you to learn this lesson now, through my storm, so that you don’t have to learn it the hard way (like I am). I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable. See, vulnerability has always been one of my greatest struggles. So, I believe that God allowed me to experience a storm that would break me. He broke me, so that he could mold me into who he’s called me to be. So, that he could teach me (and you) this lesson, among many others. …if I had to do it all over again, I would have meditated on this scripture wayyyyy before now.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Your sister in Christ, Mo ❤