Get ready for some more teaaaaaa
Part two: Little Miss “Busy Bee”
In a previous post, I mentioned that I spent my undergraduate years keeping myself busy. On top of a full 18+ hour course load, I worked multiple jobs (3+) , was involved in multiple organizations (3+), a concentration, a minor and honors college, to balance at all times. Not to mention my relationship with others and with God. Although I enjoy knowing that all my involvement boosted my resume and provided a general sense of accomplishment, I want to be real and give you the tea on why I became such a busy bee.
So, honestly I don’t remember much of my third semester of undergrad. Not because of drugs or alcohol or anything like that, but because of the emotional whirlwind that unfolded that semester. What IS clear as day is the memory of my crazy breakup, the emotional state it left me in, the strain on my relationship with my parents, and how I decide to “solve” the emotional aftermath. The breakup is not the point of THIS post. The point is that I was left with A LOT of emptiness, A LOT of fear, A LOT of loneliness, A LOT of regret, A LOT of embarrassment and intense emotions, and I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
I figured that IF I got more involved, gave myself more responsibilities, and filled in my schedule with more meetings and activities, THEN I would have less time to feel empty, broken, lonely, guilty. So that’s what I did. I worked 3 jobs. Committed to multiple organizations. Studied late. Slept less so I had time to socialize. Busy, Busy, Busy Bee.
Maybe you can relate. You keep your schedule busy, because you are running from an emptiness, a pain, a brokenness, a fear, a regret, a memory, a trauma. You are wrong. I was wrong. Being busy fixes absolutely nothing. Only God can heal you, free you, deliver you from all of those things. So you have to run to him, run to places where is presence resides, run to people who will point you back to him.
Although, I remained busy throughout my undergrad years it took me running to God to begin healing from those things. I became more intentional about going to church way more often: Sunday morning service, Tuesday Night Young Adult Bible Study, and volunteering when I could. I found community in my dance sisters of UNCG’s NBS’ Passion 4 Praise Dance Ministry, which helped to lift me out of my emotional pit. They may not have known it, but having those places, those people to run to, SAVED me from running to destructive alternatives.
And no, I don’t have it all figured out. Busyness became a habit, a “new normal”, and burnout is REAL. Fortunately, I’ve had a semester off to SHIFT my approach. So in January, I return to PT school part time, with 2 part time jobs. Yes, i know that may still sound like a lot, but I’m learning to create “margin” in my weekly schedule. Margin to breathe, to pray, to hear God, to honor the sabbath, to hear my own thoughts, to read, to watch TV and to give my hair some TLC.
So, I’m encouraging you to do the same. Acknowledge whatever emotion, thought, experience or emptiness that you are trying to distract yourself from. Give it to God and create margin for him to work in your life. Margin for you to hear his voice, to feel his nudge. You do NOT have to do it ALL. Not all at once. Pace yourself!
Love, Moniqué Danaê