Yesterday, I asked my Instagram followers if they found it harder to give or to receive? 93% said that it was harder for them to receive…and I AGREE! So, let’s start there…
Shouldn’t receiving be easy?
It is my nature to give. I often find myself giving up my time, my gifts/talents and my services to others at a highly discounted rate. In fact, I actually end up paying the higher “price” on their behalf. Yeah, I’m the girl who will give up all my energy, time, & money for the success of my romantic relationships. I’m the friend who will exhaust my emotions, energy & time, taking on their burdens with NO reciprocity. I am that person. No. I was that person, and I AM doing the work to leave her in the past. Thus, I am working on and learning how to create boundaries without the burden of guilt.
Guilt. That’s a huge part of why it’s so much harder for me to receive. It’s like… I love the idea of receiving, but the reality is “cringe-worthy”. If it’s money, It leaves me with feelings of guilt & selfishness. I’m left feeling the burden of how I think it is impacting the other person. It’s not just money though. I also feel that way when I receive gifts, free services, or even when someone gives up their time and energy for me with nothing in return. I guess I just don’t feel deserving of it. So, I will awkwardly & excessively load up on statements of gratitude or apologize for taking up their time/energy/money.
Maybe you can relate?
Well, this week, God used one of my coworkers to speak CLEARLY to me and to remind me, that I am actually not finished dealing with THIS struggle of mine. To that coworker & friend, I say THANK YOU …again
I know, you’re wondering what happened…
So, I work at a new restaurant, and Monday was a slowww day for us. My tip jar was looking pretty sad near the end of the night. I casually mentioned it to this coworker. They offered me $5 dollars. I said “No, I don’t want your money.”
That’s when God shifted this “ordinary” conversation, to utilize them as a vessel for God’s voice and to open up a window of blessings for me.
Here’s what God showed me in the words & actions that followed:
- Sometimes, I block my blessings by not being willing to receive what has ALREADY been offered to me (…with no strings attached)
- Sometimes, I block someone else’s opportunity to give…andddd to receive the blessing that’s attached to their action of giving.
- Sometimes, I allow my pride and self-manufactured guilt to stop me from receiving exactly what I have be praying for.
Now, Get this! Once I pushed my pride and self-manufactured guilt to the side and accepted the $5 dollars, the blessings didn’t stop. Okay, to be transparent, I still felt guilty 5 minutes later. BUT, while I was still cringing and feeling guilty, two more customers placed to-go orders (rightttt before we closed) and left VERY generous tips for me. Ya’ll, I left work that night in full worship-mode, with tears flowing down my face as I walked to the car. You see, God revealed & shifted something SO POWERFUL for me that night.
I wonder what would have happened, if I never accepted that $5.00 …….maybe I would have projected my disappointment onto those last customers and received exactly what I expected from them…. nothing.
maybe.
Check back @ noon on Wednesday August 14th for a post on GIVING.
Until next time….
💛 Monique Danae.
black. blessed. becoming 