Sufficient Capacity

Last year, I had a moment so pregnant with despair, that I remember it in full technicolor. If I close my eyes, I can even see it in slow motion, and feel the weight of it in my chest. 

In the background of my thoughts, projecting from somewhere deep inside of my heart, were the lyrics: “I’m chasing after you…..no matter what I have to do….cause I need you more and more.” 

The next thought occurred immediately… “CHASE !?” 

I couldn’t even fix my mouth to sing those words out loud…words I had sung countless times ever since singing them in my high school’s gospel choir…a song I could sing in my sleep. 

But I just couldn’t say it. 

I could barely even think those words again.

“Chase? I can’t even fathom having the energy to chase you. Sure, I want to. It sounds real nice. I even did it before. But right now, God, I don’t even know if I have the energy to walk towards you. I don’t even think I could crawl.” 

“Chase? yeah, I definitely can’t do that. God, I don’t even have the energy to take one step towards you. It’s not really that I want to take any steps away from you. In fact, that’s not what I want. So, please, give me the energy to move towards you…even if it’s just one step today.” 

It took a few prayer partners, a couple days of fasting, and one heated encounter with the enemy, for me to see just how broken and how exhausted I really was. 

See the enemy had been working ever so diligently to distract and exhaust me. 

It’s the reason that I felt depleted of the capacity to hear from God, to take care of my body, to show up in my business, to think clearly at work, to actively participate in relationships…I was losing the capacity to be present and to care about anything. 

What I requested from God that day has become my daily posture: 

“Father, please give me the capacity today to do what you need me to do. Please give me the energy and the wisdom that I need in each moment to be effective, and to bring you glory.” 

What I realized is that God doesn’t need me to do all the things…He doesn’t even need me to do all the things that I could do in the previous season, not even the previous day. 

He just needs us to surrender what we have today. 

The energy, the responsibilities, the blessings that you have today…is sufficient. What you have today is sufficient enough to surrender, sufficient enough to be effective, sufficient enough to please God.

If you are breathing, you have sufficient capacity to please God. 

When we surrender what we have, and ask God to fill in the gap, He will provide. 

 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

2 CORINTHIANS 9:7-8